In the most recent issue of the magazine I was recently laid off from they had quotes from the editorial staff on 6 words to express how they felt about love. Some were completely mushy & romantic (which secretly I am), others more realistic (which truly matches my view), and others had a hint of bitterness to them. One that struck a chord with me was "Hearts never look both ways first."
I reacted first and then I tried put some rationale behind it. I realized just how many times I react before I think and often I am in conflict with myself. Too much in my opinion lately. My brain keeps me in check though, allowing me to remain cautious but I am on the verge of letting go and falling head first into something. I think I have to let my head rest. It's too bad I can't write anything further on this other than trust is not easy to come by with me.
In work though I felt relieved almost to be let go. They didn't use that term though when laying me off. It was elimination, like they were placing me against a wall and firing. Maybe they had a big red button in a glass case that would eject me out of the seat and through the roof. I gave a very slight "F you" gesture that I knew they wouldn't catch right away and walked out of the office relieved. But then walking down the hall and actually seeing people crying over the loss of their own jobs I thought now what? I have to grow up now, figure out what I really want to do. No more big, bureaucratic organizations that put you in one place and refuse to let you move out of it. That's pretty much as far as I have gotten. I at least feel happy knowing at a young age that a 9-5 desk job is not the life that will keep me happy. We spend so much of our lives at work away from the people that matter most, I should at least enjoy it. Of course, I'll probably end up at another one for now, but it will be in the field I am interested in (or at least think I am)! It's Trial and Error people.
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